Broken Mosaic
by steviemichael
Summary: Magnus and Alec find comfort in one another after Max's party.
1. You are my world

Magnus closed the door with a sigh, as Jace and Izzy, the last of the evening's guests, headed back to the Institute. To say he was exhausted would have been the understatement of the year. It was more than physical weariness that plagued him though; his soul was burdened and weary. Thoughts and feelings that had remained buried for decades came rushing back when he saw Alexander standing on that ledge. He remembered all too well the hopelessness and self-hatred that pushed him to the edge all those years ago. To know that his love was now experiencing those same emotions was gut-wrenching.

Magnus made his way into his living room, finding it in total disarray, which served as a fitting visual representation of the chaos reflected in his current mental state. He wanted, no needed, to comfort Alexander, to ground him, to be there for him. But he felt completely inadequate to do so. Magnus knew he should seek out his beloved to be a rock for him, but it was all too much. Overwhelmed by the demons of his past and concern for Alec's well-being, he collapsed onto the sofa and dropped his head into his hands, choking down soft sobs.

He sat like for this for some time, until he felt Alec sit down beside him, wrapping his long arms around Magnus' waist, pulling the older man into his lap and resting his chin gently on his shoulder. Neither of them said a word as Alec pressed tender kisses to Magnus' neck, and Magnus took Alec's hands in his, intertwining their fingers. Both knew they would have to discuss the events that had transpired tonight, but that could wait. For now, they found solace in the warmth of their bodies, together.

After several minutes had passed, Magnus turned in Alec's lap so that he could see his boyfriend, and was saddened, but not surprised to see tears filling his beautiful hazel eyes. Untangling their hands, and placing them behind Alec's neck, he pulled their faces close, finding comfort in the feel of Alec's warm breath on his cheek.

Finding his voice, he whispered reverently, "I love you, Alexander. You are my world."

Alec was overwhelmed by his feelings for this incredible man, he thanked the angel that he was allowed to love and be loved by him. Choked by emotion he felt powerless to form a coherent response, so instead, he wrapped his arms tighter around his lover and closed the distance between their lips. Hoping that in his kiss, Magnus would hear the words Alec could not convey.

This kiss did not carry the passion and intensity of their first kiss, nor the shy excitement of kiss after their first date. No, this kiss was about love and comfort. It was soft and warm, familiar. After a few long minutes, they broke the kiss, only slightly, breathing in one another, lips mere inches apart. They stayed like this for a while, staring into one another's eyes, finding love and acceptance reflected back.

Magnus knew they would be okay. He didn't know when or how, but they would be okay, he was sure of it. He would give everything for this man, and as he looked into Alec's eyes he knew Alec would do the same for him. For the first time since seeing Alec on that ledge, Magnus felt like he could breathe again. He scooted down in Alec's lap and laid his head on his chest, comforted by the steady thrum of his heartbeat. Alec looked down fondly at his boyfriend pressing one final kiss to his forehead, before closing his eyes and letting sleep claim him.

They were going to be okay.


	2. Promise Me

Alec groaned and scrunched his eyes tightly as a beam of sunlight streamed directly across his face. Movies and books always made it sound so peaceful to be woken up by natural light pouring through a window, but groggy and still half asleep, Alec was finding the reality far less pleasurable. He felt like absolute shit, every bone in his body hurt. His neck had a major cramp, and his back was screaming in protest at having slept sitting up. As he took stock of his aches and pains, eyes still stubbornly clenched shut, he noted the weight pressed against his chest. Slowly opening his eyes, Alec glanced down to see his boyfriend, still sound asleep, curled up on his chest.

Alec's breath caught in his throat as he gazed at the man in his arms. His clothes were rumpled, his eyeliner smeared, and his hair sticking every which way, but to Alec, he never looked more beautiful. He couldn't resist dragging a soft kiss across his lover's forehead. Magnus stirred at his touch, but remained blissfully asleep, burrowing further into his boyfriend's chest. Alec's heart swelled with affection and for about the millionth time since they started dating, found himself dumbfounded that the High Warlock of Brooklyn, the fabulous and remarkable, Magnus Bane, had chosen him, Alec Lightwood. It was truly inconceivable, but he thanked the angel every day for the gift of Magnus' love, though he knew he didn't deserve it . . . now more so than ever.

At that, his thoughts darkened. How could he sit here allowing himself to receive love and comfort when he was responsible for so much pain. Everyone kept telling him it wasn't his fault. That no one blamed him, but the reality was that if not for him, Clary's mom would still be alive. He had been weak; he allowed a demon to possess him. He was supposed to be better than that, stronger than that. _Perhaps your mother was right; perhaps your best just isn't good enough._ His parabatai's harsh words echoed loudly in his mind. He knew the words had been spoken in anger, and Jace would probably take them back now if he could, but Alec couldn't help but admit the painful accuracy of the statement. His best just wasn't good enough. It never was. Despite his best intentions, he was always screwing things up. And now because of his inadequacy, an innocent had been killed, a young woman had lost her mother. The guilt was overwhelming, threatening to swallow him whole. Unconsciously his eyes flicked to the balcony, where only last night he had stood perched on the ledge, ready to end it all. And if not for Magnus, he would have succeeded.

If anyone asked, he would swear up and down that it was only because of the magic that he found himself contemplating jumping off that balcony, but deep inside he knew that was only partly true. Those feelings and doubts were already there, the magic only served to shine a spotlight on them, and he hated himself even more for considering such a cowardly act. Killing himself would not bring back Clary's mother, it wouldn't solve anything. It would only serve to put an end to his own pain while bringing more sorrow and anguish to those he loved. Lost in the turmoil of his thoughts, he failed to notice that Magnus was now awake, staring up at him with tenderness and affection. He was brought out of his dark musings as a warm hand gently caressed cheek and two beautiful brown eyes locked onto hazel ones. Trying to maintain his composure, he cleared his throat and attempted to blink back the tears that had begun to form in his eyes. His plan however backfired as the unshed tears now rolled lazily down his cheeks, splashing onto his boyfriend's shirt.

"Sweetheart?" Magnus' voice was still rough with sleep, but full of compassion, "do you want to talk about it?"

Alec tried one more to reign in his emotions, shaking his head. "I'm fine, Mags, really. I . . . I'm . . .fi . . ." but he couldn't complete the sentence. Unable to maintain the charade he broke down in tears and buried his face in Magnus' shirt. "I'm so sorry; I'm so so sorry!"

Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec fiercely wishing for all the world that he could just magic this pain away. He knew, however, it was not that simple. "Alexander, darling." He began gently while rubbing soothing circles on his lover's back. "You have nothing to be sorry for." Alec tried to push back from Magnus to disagree, but Magnus only held on tighter. "Shh, please just listen to me for a moment, my darling. What you are feeling is normal. You went through an unimaginable trauma, you were violated, and your body was used to commit a horrific crime. The feelings of guilt and anger you are experiencing are normal. Your mind and your body are working to make sense of what happened. So whatever you are thinking or emotions you are experiencing are valid. I am not going to tell you how to feel or how to process this." Magnus felt Alec relax slightly in his arms at his words, so he continued.

"That being said, it is also important for me to remind you of the truth of the matter. You were a victim in this, as much as anyone. This was something that was done _to_ you. You didn't ask for this; you did not want this to happen, no blame falls on you. I know you can't accept that right now, and that's okay because I am going to be here every day to remind you. So if you want to be angry, be angry, if you need to stay in bed and cry, feel free. The only thing I ask of you, my darling. Is that you promise me that if these feelings ever become too overwhelming, if the guilt every gets so bad, that you . . . you think about . . . taking your life" Magnus' voice broke as tears filled his eyes, "Promise me, Alexander, that you will come to me. Please promise me that."

Alec lifted his head from Magnus' chest and looked deep into his eyes, completely taken aback by the kindness and understanding being offered to him. Although he couldn't see how he could ever escape this dark hole he had fallen into, Magnus' words had struck a chord in him, and for the first time since Jocelyn's death, he felt the smallest glimmer of hope. He knew then he would give this wonderful, amazing man whatever he asked.

Taking Magnus' hand in his, he replied softly, but with conviction, "I promise."


End file.
